You Gave Me a Reason
by PFTones3482
Summary: Rated T for mentions of self harm. When Star finally realizes just why Marco always wears hoodies, she does a little research...and then needs to reassure herself that he's still okay. Slight Starco, oneshot.


**Trigger Warning: This story contains mentions of self harm and suicide. If you're triggered by these things, I suggest you stop reading now.**

 **I don't own Star vs. the Forces of Evil.**

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GENERAL POV

* * *

Marco liked to wear hoodies.

Sure, for the usual reasons; they were comfortable, they were his favorite color, and the hoods were great for hiding from seemingly deranged princesses from other dimensions.

They also hid his arms. They hid his past.

Marco sighed and leaned his head back against the tile wall of the shower, letting the hot water steam up around him as he shut his eyes. The thumb of his left hand ran itself absently along his right forearm, the dampened skin tracing along two years worth of torn skin and scars.

It was dumb. He hadn't done anything like that since Star had come to stay with them, and he didn't want to anymore. But that wouldn't get his arm back to normal, and he cursed himself everyday for having been stupid enough to take a knife to himself in the past.

Shutting off the water, Marco stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel tightly around his waist, using another to dry his hair as he stepped from his bathroom and into his room.

He had just stepped over to his dresser, his hands still rubbbing vigorusly at his hair, when his door slammed open. "Marco, are you ready to- yikes!"

He whipped around, his cheeks warming as he took in Star's form standing in his doorway. Her hands were on her mouth and she was staring anywhere but at his toweled body, her eyes finally landing on the towel on his head.

The towel...held up by both arms...that were bare and facing her.

Marco flung his arms down so quickly that he nearly smacked off the towel around his waist, which would have been _really_ awful. He latched onto the towel around him and hurried over to Star, quickly pushing her out the door.

Her cheeks were no longer red, and her eyebrows had furrowed together in concern. "Marco, I'm sorry, but what happened to-?"

He slammed the door in her face without thinking, sinking back against the door and trembling, bringing his hands to his face and taking several deep breaths as he struggled not to cry.

Star remained frozen outside of the closed door, her mouth hanging nearly to the floor. Slowly, she turned away from the door and slunk down the stairs, glancing back up at the second floor landing before she shook her head and started for school alone.

What on earth had happened back there? Marco was never shy about answering questions, even when she had gotten curious about the earth form of Mewberty.

Star bit her lip and hoisted her backpack up further on her shoulders. Those scars...she would assume they were from Ludo and their fights, except many of them were very old and besides, she had never seen Marco fight Ludo or his minions with just a T-shirt on and, as far as she knew, none of his hoodies had been damaged by their fights.

She frowned and tilted her head down, staring at the pavement as she walked. Mr. and Mrs. Diaz wouldn't hurt Marco, would they?

As soon as Star had the thought, she shook it off. No. The Diaz's were some of the kindest people in the world, and Marco obviously adored them and never complained about them to her.

The bullies at school weren't nearly so cruel as to cut students. Sure, Star pondered, there was an occasional black eye and someone being shoved into the locker, but Skeeves was fairly strict when it came to bullying.

Star stepped inside of the school building and, after a moment's hesitation, she turned towards the computer lab. Marco had, after several mishaps involving squids and killer bees, managed to show Star how to do the basics on the internet, including set up an email, make a Facebook account, and browse Google.

She slid into a seat at an empty computer, depositing her bag in the chair next to her, and fired up the search engine, letting her fingers hover over the keyboard for a moment before she tapped out "Cuts on the forearms"

Star didn't expect a very thorough answer, but one of the very first things that popped up (aside from a few gruesome pictures that the girl shied away from) was an article on self harm.

She furrowed her eyebrows and clicked on the article, utterly confused. Self harm? That wasn't a thing on Mewnie. It sounded bad though, and she was worried.

Her concern grew as she scrolled through pages and pages of websites telling her about depression, self inflicted wounds, and something called suicide. When she found the definitions for all three, she forced herself to close out of the web browser and shut the computer down, her fingers shaking and her face sheet white.

None of those things happened on Mewnie, as far as Star could tell. People, though many were indeed impoverished, were always taken care of. Heck, they had a parade once a month to remind everyone how much they were cared about.

But from what Star had read on the internet, earth was much different. People who self harmed or were depressed were looked down on, even laughed at. She couldn't shake her disgust at that, and she left the computer lab trembling and on the verge of tears.

Was that what had happened to Marco's arm? Everything in Star said yes, and she shut her eyes for a second, not even able to imagine what Marco was feeling.

Her eyes flew open as the bell rang and students streamed around her, but she could only focus on one thing, her heart racing.

Some of the cuts on his arm had definitely been fresh.

* * *

Marco walked home silently, his eyes stinging. Star had missed every class that day, and he knew that she was probably avoiding him. He had screwed up. He should have been more careful, shouldn't have slammed the door on her, shouldn't have hurt himself in the first place.

"I'm such an _idiot,_ " he hissed, swinging his front door open and pounding up the stairs, tears gathering in his eyes. "So _stupid,_ I don't fucking-"

He pushed his door open and froze, his eyes landing on Star. She was sitting on his bed quietly, legs criss-crossed under her and her gaze on the floor. He slumped against the door and looked away. "Star. What are you-?"

"Marco. Can I talk to you? Please?"

Her voice cracked and Marco found himself breaking. He shut the door behind him and set his backpack on the floor softly, stepping over to his bed and standing in front of her with his arms behind his back.

She stood slowly and brought a hand to his sweatshirt zipper, tugging it down. He turned his head away but didn't stop her, wincing when her delicate fingers genty pulled his hoodie off and turned his right arm over. Her breath hitched in her throat and before Marco knew what was happening, her arms were wrapped tightly around him and her head was buried in his shoulder.

"Star?" he questioned softly, feeling her quivering against him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered into his neck, her voice breaking.

She pulled back and studied him, her eyes teary. "I...I had to look it up online Marco. And I...I came home because..."

Her voice hitched again and she looked away and it was then that Marco took a good look at his room, saw the way that all the drawers were pulled out and stuff was thrown to the floor. A cold fist wrapped itself around his heart and he took a shaky breath. "You were...you were looking for the knife, weren't you?"

She broke when he finally confirmed it, and he pulled her to his chest tightly as she nodded. "The...you...they're fresh and I..."

He shook his head, resting his chin on her scalp and shutting his eyes. "Star...the freshest ones are from right before you got here. Sometimes I...I'll scratch them open...but there haven't been new ones since you started living here."

Her grip on him tightened and he eased her onto the bed, lying down so that they were more comfortable. He stared up at his ceiling for a long time, rubbbing her back. "The knife...was a kitchen knife," he finally admitted. "It's not in here. Mom and Dad never knew."

With those words, he felt the rest of his life start spilling out.

How he had been bullied since kindergarten, how just the words had been enough to convince him that he was useless and that no one really needed or wanted him, how he hadn't known Ferguson or Alfonso until just the past year, how even then he still felt out of place and pathetic. His parents had never been cruel, but they had never really been super clever either, had never noticed what he had been going through.

Star listened silently throughout the whole thing, which was unusual for her. Her shaking slowly stopped and she shifted so that her head rested on Marco's shoulder, her body curled around him as he spoke.

"And I...I mean it really started to get to me Star. Last year..."

He swallowed hard and tightened his arm firmly around her waist. "Last year I tried to end it, tried to...tried to..."

Star hiccupped and buried her face in his shoulder. "I know what you mean," she murmured. "I looked that up too."

Marco nodded slowly and pressed the gentlest of kisses to her scalp, reassuring her that he was okay. "But...at the last second Ferguson texted me, asked me to go to the movies with him and Alfonso. And I chickened out. I think...I think Alfonso has always suspected, but he never confronted me about it."

The two fell into silence once more, each focusing on the other's breathing and studying the ceiling. "Marco...you said you stopped. You promise that you did?"

Marco rested his cheek against Star's head. "Yeah. I stopped because...because you gave me something to fight for. And I realized that I didn't want to go away from you. I started feeling happy again and I just...I just wish I could get rid of these scars," he admitted, his cheeks flushing in shame.

"Why can't you?" Star asked curiously, tilting her head up to look at him.

Marco shook his head. "They don't go away easily, especially because I pick at them. So I just...I wear hoodies. All the time. And when I'm not wearing hoodies, I'm really careful. I've even gotten into my mom's makeup drawer so that I could cover them up."

Star rubbed a hand lightly over his chest, absentmindedly tracing circles. "Thank you for telling me," she whispered. "I'm sorry that you felt like you had to hide that. You can tell me anything."

Marco smiled gently, shutting his eyes and relaxing against her. "Can I tell you how much you mean to me?" he murmured. "Star, I...I really care about you. I hope you know that."

She pushed herself up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, making both of them blush in the darkening room. "I do," she said softly, settling back down with her head on his chest. "Promise me you'll tell me if you ever feel like that again?"

"I promise," Marco said seriously, tracing a figure eight on her spine. "I promise."

She wrapped her arms tightly around him and they dozed off, content.

* * *

Marco woke up alone and he pushed down the slight feeling of disappointment that flooded over him, sitting up and checking the clock. He was startled to see that it was nearly one in the morning but since he didn't have school in the morning, he didn't worry about it too much.

As he went to change into his pajamas, Marco caught sight of his forearm and froze, his eyes widening as he searched the skin for the scars he had grown so used to. Only one remained, and it was so faint that Marco could barely see it. His breath caught in his throat and he threw on an old shirt and shorts, slipping from his room and tiptoeing to Star's.

He pressed the door open quietly and studied the girl for a long time before slinking inside and shaking her awake. She rubbed her eyes wearily and yawned. "Marco? What is it? Are you okay?"

Marco nodded and sat down on the bed next to her. "Yeah...Star, did you-?"

He trailed off and gestured to his arm. A sleepy smile slid across Star's face and she nodded, pointing to her spell book on the desk. "Yeah. You said you wished they were gone...I couldn't get the one off, but..."

His head shook in delight and a smiled etched it's way onto his face. "Star," he breathed, his eyes watering. "You have no idea what this means to me."

He dragged her into a hug and then pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers. "One little scar can be explained. And it will remind me of how hard it was before you came along. Thank you, Star."

She intertwined their fingers and he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you."


End file.
